I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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