I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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