Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
