I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
