so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
