You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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