This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
