Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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