Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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