mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
