bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just pee around me
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
