I CAN MOONWALK!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
