My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
