dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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