Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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