His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
This beer is not sobering me up at all
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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