I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
