New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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