Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i think i just lost a toe
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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