it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i came on her dog
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
