I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just cut my nipple shaving
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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