All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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