i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
