Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
