There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
