u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
