He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
