how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
