My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i will never coherently bang her
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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