By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
