Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We were destined to go to rehab together
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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