Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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