words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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