Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
