Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
