fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
