the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
