THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
