if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
