well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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