Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
