I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
