He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
