I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
