There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
