put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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