Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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