Im at strip club and am horny
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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