Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
