You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
